I’m keeping the promise I made to Blogging on Bilingualism (or rather the blogger behind it) and I want to come back on the topic of non native parents raising bilingual children, or rather parents raising children bilingual in a language that is not their mother tongue.
All non native parents are not equal. Whether the minority language is the mothertongue of some family members, at least one, does make a big difference, in many ways.
Just to clarify, some parents, like myself, speak to their children in a language they master well but where not raised in, and no native speakers live with the family. Other parents, like Eve from Blogging on Bilingualism, speak to their children their partner’s mothertongue in order to raise them bilingual, often using the MLAH method.
Yes we are both using with our children a language that is not our native one, but there are strong differences among us.
1) Social acceptance. All parents of bilingual children happening to speak a minority language in public are occasionally, or often, frowned upon by opinionated and often monolingual neighbors, friends, colleagues, name it. If they will explain that that language is the language of part of the family they might get some understanding, or at least tolerance, but if this is not the case they are much more likely to encounter open criticism. In fact I often use this factor to buy some comprehension, my child’s
2) Inner motivation. Motivation is key in most situations, not last when raising a bilingual child, particularly when the child starts to answer you back in the majority language. If the minority language is the language of part of the child’s family you know very well why you’re doing this, you are doing something really important for the development of your child and the building of his identity. But if this is just a foreign language why should you go through all this pain? You learnt foreign languages the usual way and you are doing ok, sure enough your child will manage too, may be later in life, won’t he?
3) Language input. Languages are alive. They need to be nurtured, stimulated, cared for. Some people who live abroad with time have problems in speaking even their mothertongue, imagine what happens with foreign languages then… Sure there are many ways to keep a language fresh, things like books, TV, internet, family, friends, holidays even work can help tremendously. Still, a native speaker partner comes really handy…
However, I want to end this post with a positive note. So let me tell how I address these 3 issues.
1) Social acceptance. I don’t care, really. If people are genuinely interested and nice I might as well explain to them how English plays a key role in my life, has been my dominant language for about 10 years and is strongly associated to a whole part of me and of my life I just couldn’t express and transmit to my child in Italian. I might also add that English is my child’s father language. However, if the person is judgmental and opinionated I shrug and move on, people are entitled to their opinions and I can live without their approval.
2) Inner motivation. My motivation is extremely strong, else I just couldn’t carry on with this. I know very well I don’t want my child to grow into the typical spoiled italian boy, who knows and cares nothing about the rest of the world. In full honesty I shall also add that it helps, in terms of motivation, the fact that English is the language my child needs to communicate with his father, even if he’s not part of our daily lives.
3) Language input. I believe, and this is my personal and unproved opinion, that there are 2 kinds of people. Those who learn languages fast and forget them just as easily and those that learn slowly (sometimes painfully) but then retain everything they have learned with no effort. I belong to the second group. That said, I also read plenty of stuff in English every day (blogs, news, books, newspapers) and have many opportunities to speak it with people.
Thoughts anybody?
Image by A Journey Round my Skull
Related posts:
8 reasons why you don’t have to be a native speaker to teach your child a languageBilingual children in non bilingual familiesSummer vacation options for Italian-English bilingual childrenOPOL on the BeachBilingual children, grandparents and extended family
9 Comments
I have been following your blog for quite a while now and I must congratulate for how great it is, full of ideas and ways to raise our children bilingual.
Reading the above post I finally grabbed the courage to write something. Maybe, one of the reasons I have never written anything is the fear I am doing something wrong with my child. When he was born I took the decision of raising him bilingual. English is not my first language. I started to study English when I was 10 and found out that foreign languages were my thing. I studied foreign languages in High School and then lived in the States for almost 15 years. I came back to Italy for work and was supposed to be here only for few months…well, got a great job, fell in love and now I have been living here for almost 5. I go back to the States at least once a year and have my house, my furniture and my financial stuff still based in the States. My goal is to eventually move back but, funny thing, I have become so successful here that going back looks more and more difficult.
When I decided to raise my child bilingual I always feared I would loose my fluency in English. When I was living there people thought I was born in the States and that my parents were foreigners…now, even though I speak English every day, read, watch TV all in English, I feel I am loosing enough to make me doubt I took the right decision. It’s a tough one as one of the things that a children psychologist told me was that mother’s language becomes for the child the “language of the heart”. There is no turning back…So, I try to keep up with my English hoping that the time in which I can move back, even for few months a year, gets here quickly!
Thanks for reading.
Cristina,
this is a great story, I love it! Also the fact that for once we hear somene who can’t gp back to the States because she’s so succeful here in Italy, this is just great! I googled you, and now I’m so curious about you! Ill write you an email!
L.
Thanks for your post! It is really interesting to see the different approaches for those of us who are non-native and I appreciate your ideas on the topic. I still have to keep on the ball, but do have it “easier” in some ways due to my husband being French. I feel like you — I don’t really care what other people think (my husband tells me that sometimes that is not a good personality trait – ha ha – but most of the time, it is!) and have learned to trust my own instincts rather than follow anyone else’s ideas about bilingualism for my family. It would be fun to meet up some time! I will be in Southern France in a few weeks, but I guess you are not near the French border…
Best,
Eve
Thanks for ending your post on such an upbeat note! As a non-native mom with a monolingual husband, I try not to pay attention to the people who think I’m a freak. And honestly, I don’t encounter many of them. At least, they’re polite, even if they don’t “get” it. Like Eve, I’m learning to trust my own instincts and do what works for my family. (Eve, I do sometimes envy you your French hubby and the large group of in-laws and friends back in France that you married into!)
Eve,
no I’m not near France, but you’re tempting me…
L.
Great site. A lot of useful information here. I’m sending it to some friends!
What a great resource!
I think we should organize a blogging get together for the group of bloggers who write about bilingualism. Seriously. Even if we did it in Europe, I’d try to go…(A lot of you are there, but there ARE three of us at least in the Denver area — me, half of Spanglish baby, and Sarah of Bringing Up Baby Bilingual). Maybe we should have a local get-together first, and then try to organize an international conference. Would that be fun, or what!?
This is such a great resource that you are providing and you give it away for free. I enjoy seeing websites that understand the value of providing a prime resource for free. I truly loved reading your post. Thanks!
One Trackback
[...] che ho scritto in Inglese, qui, sulle differenze tra chi cresce i figli bilingui in una lingua straniera o nella madrelingua del [...]