Pro and Contra of Praise

Let’s keep talking about praise, to understand if and how it actually motivates children to speak the second language. We all use praise, hands up if you don’t get overexcited every time the little one says a new word in the second language, or a sentence, or even (can’t believe that!) a whole reasoning! But do we know what we are doing? I haven’t thought much about it so far, and I would imagine I’m not the only one…

 We have already seen that praise, like punishment, is a means of external control. That is, I parent do this because I then expect the child do that. But the ultimate purpose of education is to help children develop a form of internal control, i.e. to do certain things because they’ are right and don’t do others because they are wrong. (See article by Gordon on forms of control). Different yet is the case of bilingualism, we do not expect a child to make a moral decision about speaking one language or another but we would like them to speak them spontaneously, without even thinking about it and and certainly not “to please mom” (this is what I think at least). Is praising the child the right way to go to achieve this? That’s for you to decide. But I would encourage you to think about it, because Praise is a tricky thing.

 Pros and Cons of Praise

PRO

• Praising a child shows what he did is evaluated positively by the adult, gives him the clue that he’s on the right track and is making mom or dad happy
• Praising a child makes the adult feel good too. It’s a means to express their consent and satisfaction (when my son says a new word in English I’m really happy, and to be honest I am pleased with him and ME, praising him I’m actually celebrating my own success)

CONTRA

• Praise can motivate as a prize, but it works only as long as the child wants this reward. It works very well with small children, but when they grow up and become less dependent, or even openly rebellious or independent (sooner or later it will happen, oh dear…), they might not think much of parents’ praise or even dislike it. See article by Gordon on the mechanisms of reward and punishment
• Praise can cause a child (or an adult for what matters) to feel uncomfortable. Most likely you know the uncomfortable feeling of hearing “You are so beautiful!”, “you are so clever!” and the like…
• Praise is addictive. If you praise me every time I say a word in English I actually expect you to praise me every time I do it, and with increasing enthusiasm, else it just won’t cut it. How creative you can you become in praising a child?
• The absence of praise is perceived as a punishment. If you praise me every time I open my mouth and today you don’t I must have said something wrong, but what?
• Praise creates pressure, the child may feel evaluated on the basis of his performance and forced to do even better. Imagine that I always said to A., and others in his presence, that A. and is a really good boy because he speaks really good English. This would put him in the position of having to speak really good English to meet the mom’s expectation. It’s not the same as speaking English because he likes it or because speaking it is natural to him. Definitely not the same thing…
• The child does not learn to evaluate his actions and abilities and to be proud of his achievements, but rather to depend on an external evaluation.

Well I guess what you’re thinking here, the same I thought at first: “What the hell! I just said “Well done” to my son, it can’t be that bad!!” It certainly isn’t, but there is some truth in all these points. For example it is true that being praised can be annoying. Or that praise often seems a unsincere and manipulative. However do not despair. There are ways to praise a child and at the same time avoid all these problems. More than one way in fact, we will see them later and you can receive them automatically by clicking here.

BILINGUALISM STEP BY STEP

Here is the task today: look at the dynamics of praise in your family. Behave in an absolutely normal way, do not try to change your behavior, and observe: How often do you praise your children? In which occasions? How do they react? Mom and dad have different behaviours? How children react to each parent? And above all, what function does praise have in the development of bilingualism in your family?

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