Quite often in OPOL families parents give up using the minority language in presence of the extended family, a sign of respect towards those who don’t understand the language. It is certainly a very good thing to involve the whole family, but it doesn’t necessarily need to happen at the minority language’s expenses. And by the way, what makes you think that grandparents refuse the second language altogether?
Involving the whole family in your bilingual project is often easier than you might think, providing you communicate it clearly and strategically:
- Explain what you are doing, your objectives and motivation, and how this will impact your children
- Address your relatives’ doubts and fears
- Actively ask for help and support
- Offer your support to the whole family, make sure this experience is positive for them too
- Acknowledge and reward their efforts
Explain what you are doing, your objectives and motivation, and how this will impact your children
The whole family cares for children and understands that the world they’ll live in is different from the world they grew up in. Also, normally grandparents understand that for children of mixed origins it’s important to communicate with both families. So don’t assume that they won’t understand what you are trying to do, but talk to them. Explain in detail why you think bilingualism in important for your children, both in terms of personal development and of future opportunities. Tell them which methodology you chose and why it is important to be consistent with it.
Address your relatives’ doubts and fears
Anybody who doesn’t have a direct experience of bilingualism is confused about it, and this is very normal. Certainly it is puzzling to see a one year old child switching among languages and it is fair to wonder whether this will confuse him, or her. Just to put things in perspective, when research started to focus on bilingualism it did so with the assumption that bilingualism was bad for children and determined to prove it. It took decades of systematic research to prove it was otherwise and some of these prejudices are actually hard to kill. So don’t get mad at grandma if she’s worried for the child, but spend some time explaining to her how things are and answering her doubts.
Also, quite often grandparents or other relatives might just fear that they will be cut out from the child’s life, unable to understand him or her. Don’t underestimate these fears, rather address them. Explain to them that the child will learn the majority language without any problem and will always be able to communicate with them, tell them that the child might mix the languages in the beginning, but will sort them out soon enough, that learning a second language does not impair first language acquisition. Listen to them and reassure them.
Actively ask for help and support
People like to get involved and engaged, to feel responsible and part of a project. So don’t just ask them to watch you, ask them to help, make them aware of the role they can play and the impact of their actions. Make the children’s successes their successes too.
Grandparents and relatives can assist you in many ways: they can encourage the child, they can play minorità language DVD or CD when you are not around, they can answer the the child’s simple requests even when they are expressed in the second language, they can just accept a bilingual conversation and be positive about it, etc.
Offer your support to the whole family, make sure this experience is positive for them too
As mentioned above, all too often resistance stems from fear, fear of not being able to cope or of being let out. It’s up to you to give everybody the support needed, so that this experience will be pleasant for all.
Translate what you say to the child into the majority language, answer their questions, help them understand the few simple words a child might say in the second language (water, potty, sleep) so that they can satisfy his or her needs. In short, help them learn with the child.
Acknowledge and reward their efforts
Understanding and speaking two languages is very easy for you, but terribly difficult for your relatives, don’t ever forget this. Acknowledge and praise their efforts, make them feel good about it. If grandma gives a glass of water to a child who’s asking for some Eau praise her, celebrate both the child’s and grandma’s success.
Finally, few words on my personal experience. My parents, A.’s grandparents, don’t speak any foreign language, they have some basic knowledge of English – grandmother – and French – grandfather. However they do understand why learning a second language is so important for A. and supported my efforts from day one.
Initially I would translate for them everything I said to A., or if I didn’t they asked me to. Then they started to ask less and less, and I began to rely more on gestures to help them understand what I was saying. Then grandmother began to translate for grandfather when he didn’t understand, and I encouraged her to do so, as this is a great way of learning and she was happy when she got it right (learning is very rewarding at any age! Later in life people are more likely to lack opportunities than enthusiasm for learning). A. is now 21 month old, few days ago I told my mother “Well, you have been learning quite some English too. Haven’t you?” “We certainly did!” was the proud reply, “We are really learning a lot!” Here you go, two pigeons…
Did you like this post? You can receive free email updates from Bilingual For Fun, you’ll find it very helpful!
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Related posts:
5 ways to react when Bilingual Children mix languagesThe expert answers: Does Trilingualism cause Confusion or Delays?Blogging Carnival on Bilingualism, AprilOPOL on the BeachI'm raising my child bilingual, or am I?
Bilingual children, grandparents and extended family
Tags Bilingualism and Society, OPOL
Involving the whole family in your bilingual project is often easier than you might think, providing you communicate it clearly and strategically:
Explain what you are doing, your objectives and motivation, and how this will impact your children
The whole family cares for children and understands that the world they’ll live in is different from the world they grew up in. Also, normally grandparents understand that for children of mixed origins it’s important to communicate with both families. So don’t assume that they won’t understand what you are trying to do, but talk to them. Explain in detail why you think bilingualism in important for your children, both in terms of personal development and of future opportunities. Tell them which methodology you chose and why it is important to be consistent with it.
Address your relatives’ doubts and fears
Anybody who doesn’t have a direct experience of bilingualism is confused about it, and this is very normal. Certainly it is puzzling to see a one year old child switching among languages and it is fair to wonder whether this will confuse him, or her. Just to put things in perspective, when research started to focus on bilingualism it did so with the assumption that bilingualism was bad for children and determined to prove it. It took decades of systematic research to prove it was otherwise and some of these prejudices are actually hard to kill. So don’t get mad at grandma if she’s worried for the child, but spend some time explaining to her how things are and answering her doubts.
Also, quite often grandparents or other relatives might just fear that they will be cut out from the child’s life, unable to understand him or her. Don’t underestimate these fears, rather address them. Explain to them that the child will learn the majority language without any problem and will always be able to communicate with them, tell them that the child might mix the languages in the beginning, but will sort them out soon enough, that learning a second language does not impair first language acquisition. Listen to them and reassure them.
Actively ask for help and support
People like to get involved and engaged, to feel responsible and part of a project. So don’t just ask them to watch you, ask them to help, make them aware of the role they can play and the impact of their actions. Make the children’s successes their successes too.
Grandparents and relatives can assist you in many ways: they can encourage the child, they can play minorità language DVD or CD when you are not around, they can answer the the child’s simple requests even when they are expressed in the second language, they can just accept a bilingual conversation and be positive about it, etc.
Offer your support to the whole family, make sure this experience is positive for them too
As mentioned above, all too often resistance stems from fear, fear of not being able to cope or of being let out. It’s up to you to give everybody the support needed, so that this experience will be pleasant for all.
Translate what you say to the child into the majority language, answer their questions, help them understand the few simple words a child might say in the second language (water, potty, sleep) so that they can satisfy his or her needs. In short, help them learn with the child.
Acknowledge and reward their efforts
Understanding and speaking two languages is very easy for you, but terribly difficult for your relatives, don’t ever forget this. Acknowledge and praise their efforts, make them feel good about it. If grandma gives a glass of water to a child who’s asking for some Eau praise her, celebrate both the child’s and grandma’s success.
Finally, few words on my personal experience. My parents, A.’s grandparents, don’t speak any foreign language, they have some basic knowledge of English – grandmother – and French – grandfather. However they do understand why learning a second language is so important for A. and supported my efforts from day one.
Initially I would translate for them everything I said to A., or if I didn’t they asked me to. Then they started to ask less and less, and I began to rely more on gestures to help them understand what I was saying. Then grandmother began to translate for grandfather when he didn’t understand, and I encouraged her to do so, as this is a great way of learning and she was happy when she got it right (learning is very rewarding at any age! Later in life people are more likely to lack opportunities than enthusiasm for learning). A. is now 21 month old, few days ago I told my mother “Well, you have been learning quite some English too. Haven’t you?” “We certainly did!” was the proud reply, “We are really learning a lot!” Here you go, two pigeons…
Did you like this post? You can receive free email updates from Bilingual For Fun, you’ll find it very helpful!
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Related posts:
5 ways to react when Bilingual Children mix languagesThe expert answers: Does Trilingualism cause Confusion or Delays?Blogging Carnival on Bilingualism, AprilOPOL on the BeachI'm raising my child bilingual, or am I?