OPOL (One Parent One Language) is one of the most used techniques by bilingual families. It’s very easy to explain (each parent speaks his/her language to the children) but it’s not easy to implement with rigour, so everybody finds his/her own way of implementing it, deciding when and how to make exceptions to the rule.
Managing OPOL is particularly difficult when one goes out, say to the park, or in general when other people are around who don’t speak the minority language. Let’s make an example. I leave in Italy but speak English with my boy, and at home I’m very rigorous on that. Then I go out and…
- I meet the neighbour, a not too young lady, who stops sto exchange few words with the boy. What should I do there? Shall I tell A. “Say hello to Mrs. XXX” “Goodmorning Mrs. XXX” etc. etc. ? That would feel artificial to say the least, the lady doesn’t understand English and knows that A. understands Italian perfectly.
- Or, we are at the park, what should I tell him: “Vuoi andare sull’altalena” or “Would you like to go on the swing”? Knowing that if I go for the latter all the mums will note that and I’ll feel observed
- Again, at the park, A. is “interacting” with another child, Should I tell him: “A., restituisci la palla” (therefore breaking the OPOL rule), “A., give the ball back” (immagine how the other child would stare at us) o “A., give the ball back, restituisci la palla” (OPOL is preserved, the other child is reassured, but communication is completely redundant)?
Raising a bilingual child implies making this kind of choices day after day. Apparently they are small, irrelevant choices, but they sum up and build a pattern, which will be my OPOL method and will influence A.’s perception of which language shall be spoken when.
On one side any of the behaviours above is OK, but they are not equivalent. The only suggestion I can give is to think about it, decide which way to go and then stick to it. Children like predictability, to know what to expect, instead of seeing different reactions every time. However in deciding how to deal with these situations one should have a realistic approach and consider not only impact on bilingualism (of course the more one speaks the minority language the better it is) but also his/her own reactions. If talking a foreign language in public creates embarrassment it is not mandatory to do it.
By the way sometimes we overemphasize others’ reactions, may be we fear we’d stand out while other parents are envying us and our children. May be we can influence other’s perceptions. If we are confident and positive they’ll look at us with respect, if we are ashamed they’ll look at us with arrogance.
As far as my (very) personal choices go, that’s what I do:
- When we meet the neighbour I speak with her in Italian and don’t involve A., I don’t know what I’ll do when he’ll start talking.
- At the park, and on the street, I speak English to him, as I do at home. Quite frankly I do feel a bit uncomfortable, but I haven’t noticed that much attention from others so I think it’s more my problem than an objective one. Anyway if I see another mother looking at me I smile and say a couple of things to her in Italian and have a small chit chat.
- When A. is plaging with another child I would say something like “A., give the ball back” and then I would say to the other child “scusa ora ti restituisce la palla” (he’ll give you the ball back don’t worry)
Does it work? I don’t know… I have questions myself, and I don’t know how I’ll manage these situations when he’ll start speaking properly… We shall see. And you, what do you do?
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3 Comments
Regarding your comment “When we meet the neighbour I speak with her in Italian and don’t involve A., I don’t know what I’ll do when he’ll start talking.” I think this will resolve itself. For my kids, when my mother (American) visits our home in Colorado (also English speaking area, of course), I spoke French with my kids as always. My sons speak to each other in mix of EN and FR (but do not usually code switch – it is one or the other), speak to Mommy in French, and turn to Grandma and speak easily in English. They resolve it on their own. I think your child will think it normal that you speak to neighbor in Italian, turn and speak to him in English, and he speaks to the neighbor in Italian.
Eve,
thanks for giving your view, it’s good to hear from people who have been there before.
In the specific case though my question was more on the neighbour than on the child, i.e. will she thinks I’m unpolite if I speak to him in English and don’t translate for her so she understands what’s going on? May be… we shall see…
L.
Personally I tend to say it in both languages. Always when other children are involved. I do that because I think that when for instance my child picks up somebody else’s ball, it is important for her to be “told off” in a language others understand, in order to create in her the feeling that it was not fair in the other child’s regard, not mine. As a parent you are educating the whole time, and in those circumstances you are also educating the other children, showing them that picking up other people’s stuff is unpolite. So, saying it in the language everyone understands makes everyone aware of being responsable for their own acts. I then usually repeat the sentence in Italian to stick to the OPOL system and to state clearly to my daughter that she can speak to me in italian when we are outside if she wants.
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[...] I started to question my OPOL strategy. V. has a point, we all know how difficult it is to speak a minority language in public, only I hadn’t thought much that this might be difficult for my child too… However [...]